burgeon, branches and the macadamia tree

As I arrived at university this morning after dropping the kids at school the sun was shining at last in Brussels and I allowed myself to see the trees that are burgeoning now really fast...I had to stop and take a picture though the trees are quite tall you can see the burgeons from below. 

I continue to receive so many emails and all sorts of expressions of support for the upcoming TIL treatment at NKI that at that instant I realized: I am just like "the potential" of that burgeon, and I had to then allow myself to notice how it was part of a branch and the branch part of a tree and so on...So I kind of feel like a burgeon today and see all the little branches and stuff? That is all of you!!!!

It also reminded me of a recent lucid dream I had where my body was growing into a tree and the tree was blooming (no I had not had a "herbal" special tea or brownie or anything!), it was just one of those awesome moments where I allow the unconscious to play...I guess it was stimulated by a recent discussion I had with Eddie during his recent visit about how when I die I want to be cremated but that I had no idea about what then my family would do with the ashes.... Both my kids - who after 5 years with my cancer do talk about death and dying with me - have told me that if I come to die they want each a little urn and that I should give one to Alex too. Now, I am sure Alex does not want an urn on the chimney with a huge picture of me with darting eyes watching over him....so I saw that in fact now we can put the ashes into a pot so that they can nourish a tree. Yes, you should know that you get to choose what tree your ashes could nourrish! http://idsa.org/poetree 

So I half jokingly told my brother that maybe I would like my ashes to nourish a macadamia tree because when I was born in El Salvador my mother planted a macadamia tree to celebrate my birth. Eddie and I were crying by then, this often happens when you get into those "black sense of humor" moments and he said, “hey did you know macadamia is an Australian tree?” – no, I did not...look at this it was even first found next to Brisbane where my family lives:

The seed was first described by Europeans south of Brisbane in 1828 by the explorer and botanist Alan Cunningham. One of the locations where wild macadamia trees were originally found was at Mount Bauple near Maryborough in southeast Queensland, Australia



The burgeon, the branches, the tree, the earth, the ashes : Today I could see ALL OF IT.  Each day I think about life and death and the difference between "being alive" and "living". 

BUT today it is the potential of the burgeon that sticks to my mind the most…because right now with all the supporting branches around me I feel like the burgeon right now, ready to bloom, start yet another season. 

I do not see myself "fighting to remain alive the longest"....I just desire to to continue LIVING each second to the fullest.

And if I get through TIL, it might still be the right moment to plant a macadamia tree somewhere....