in the woods still...

I have been back home for 10 days now. My parents arrived to help with the kids all the way from Australia. I have started slowly working from home and connecting with my professional life.

Are things getting back to "normal"? No. Am I well? YES and NO.

When people ask, email or text if I am well, if things are ok, or even if things are "good" now, I really do not know what to say. I am sorry I am not responding to phone calls or emails of texts of giving news as fast as you would want.... even though it has been 10 days but I am just completely and utterly drained and psychologically overwhelmed and still digesting everything.

Each days is different, but each day does not feel I am "normal" yet. I am a little bit better each day in the sense of I have less nausea, I am eating more normal meals and have more and more moments of energy where I can be with people and not be overwhelmed by normal situations like getting lunch at a cafe.

BUT I am still dealing with HUGE fatigue, not sleeping well, and managing eye and hearing loss because of the TILs. This week I had both eye and ear DR appointments as book ends. My eyes are doing better, vision is normal again, but I need to  be followed by THE belgian eye inflammation specialist and taking cortisone drops 6 times a day (I do not really know for how long but suppose a week or so and then we have to temper out). The hearing loss is really annoying like I can hear conversation but not the high frequencies and have tinnitus so I am having huge compassion for my father and brother who suffer from tinnitus. Monday I am getting ear drums placed (a little hole a plastic loop) in each ear so they can put cortisone drops into the inner ear and hopefully I can recover the hearing loss too. I have no idea how often I will need to go to hospital so that they can administer the drops through the drums as I cannot do this at home by myself. Wednesday I need to get stitches out too for the port and other moles removed so the week will be medically punctuated.

AND the cancer continues to get smaller as far as the palpable tumors go.

So am I well? YES and NO. I am still "in the woods" walking the path with no instructions...thanks for walking with me.